8/8/13

my brain, lately

-I'm in a pr-etty intense peanut butter phase right now.  I put it on an apple every morning.  I regularly eat peanut butter toast.  You know, where you spread it on that warm bread and it melts into heavenly goodness?  And sometimes I just eat it plain off of a spoon.  But only natural peanut butter.  Not that fake, plastic crap.  And I'm not saying that because I'm all healthy and pretentious.  I like natural peanut butter better because it...actually tastes like peanuts?  Which I thought was the whole point of peanut butter.


-Old friends.  Aren't they weird?  Some of them you can go years without seeing, and it feels as if they never left, while you simultaneously wonder how you ever made it through a day without them.  Other times, it's plain uncomfortable.  You're just standing there, staring at each other, waiting for the conversation to flow the way it used to.  And you're thinking, what happened here?  We used to be tight!   Back when you knew all of their secrets and favorite songs.  But now something is off.  And you'll probably never figure out what.


-I have this tendency, to get lost in beautiful things.  Which are far more common than people tend to realize.  Especially when you consider all of the insanely beautiful things that the sky does, every single day.  Really.  I am fully convinced that paying attention to the sky on a regular basis makes an individual's life at least 8% more enjoyable.  Lately I've been particularly taken with those few moments between sunset and night.  Where the stars are barely coming out, but there is still the tiniest bit of light coming from the western horizon.  Magic.


-Do you ever forget your age?  When someone asks you for it, you get all mixed up between last year's and this year's and wonder if you're even a person at all.  If it weren't for math I probably would have lost track years ago.  I hate that I just found a practical reason for math to exist.


-There is this line from a Conor Oberst song: "I watch you braid your hair; you're from another time, when the earth wasn't so angry, and God was on our side."  I've always wanted to be that girl.  You know?  The soft, gentle, sweet-natured lady with the loose curls and the classy wardrobe.  Who is typically found in a skirt somewhere, picking flowers and singing.  But I'm much too distracted.  With short, edgy hair cuts.  Busy patterns.  Jeans.  And the fact that part of me also wants to look like Maja Ivarsson.  Contradiction, contradiction.

-I'm definitely PMSing today.  Definitely.  And I know this because every single person I've had to call for work today has hurt my feelings.  Or, I guess I should say, I've gotten my feelings hurt by them.  All I can think of is that line from You've Got Mail.  "It's not personal - it's business."  But I can't fathom that right now.  Because right now, the perfect storm is brewing inside of my body and everything, and I do mean everything, seems as personal as the most awkward medical exam.

13 comments:

  1. This whole post feels like conversations we would/have had. And that makes me miss you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that's why I blog so much now. To fill the void of Tessa. Except nothing really can but you!

      Delete
  2. okay, this comment will probably be longer then my journal entries but hey whatevs. btw i wrote. ha. it's bleep.

    -peanut butter is my faveeee. i like the plastic type that gets coated on the top of my mouth but i also really like the natural type.

    -old friends are strange. like last thursday or the one before one of my ex besties was over. her and her still bff were mine back in the days i consider the dark ages. too much eyeliner, messy hair (what's changed) and no smiles. you know.. it was strange. the only conversation that flowed was laughing at how much we had changed. but now, i know nothing about her. i know none of her secrets. i know none of her favorite music anymore. it's like weird. but then i have some friends and i see them every six months maybe and once we get past ohmygoodness i see you and not through an iphone screen it's like we never were apart. idk. it's strange. like you already said.

    -dude. yes. the sky? my fave.

    -i always always forget my age. like i say fifteen out of instinct but then it's like woah, but i was twelve last week and tomorrow i'll probably be sixteen.

    -i'm glad i'm not the only one who wishes she was soft and free-spirited but had it together, with nice hair that she wears down and feminine and gentle and ugh. nice? yet still want's to look rockstar-ish without having a screwed up life and maybe shave half of my head. yeah, that'd be cool. either way, i never wear my hair down, it's always messy, i smile and laugh at the wrong times and am quiet at the wrong times, i mostly wear boy shirts, or nike, maxi skirts or skinny jeans. i'm a walking contradiction.

    -i wish i was pmsing. then i'd have a reason to be feeling all out of it. or maybe my fear has become reality and this is just how i am and use pmsing as a monthly excuse. ugh. girls.


    okay... wow. maybe i should just start blogging my comments. sheesh. hey this could count as like therapy or something? just make me write, right? anyhow, thanks for like letting me type on here? you're the best, ya know that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is totally therapy. haha it was my plan all along. Kidding, I'm not that smart. But I'll be your therapist anytime!

      Delete
  3. I like plastic peanut butter.
    But probs because I haven't had the "real deal". If the plastic kind is expensive, I don't wanna know how much the good stuff is ;)

    And it's at least 8%. The world is such an amazing place that just can't help but spark wonder. I love that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I buy the JIF natural peanut butter, which isn't as good as the REALLY real natural stuff you buy at a health foods store. But from what I remember it isn't really much more expensive than the other kind? I could be wrong though!

      "The world is such an amazing place that just can't help but spark wonder" so true!

      Delete
  4. i want to like pb. i want to love it. but the only way i really can is through peanut butter cups. oh well. maybe in my next 20 years.
    i forget my age a lot this year. i don't feel 24. but i don't feel 23 or 25 either. strange.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, peanut butter cups are heaven! So, I'm totally fine with that.

      Delete
  5. We are soul sisters with this post! The PMS bug has bitten me HARD this week. I have been a crabby/weepy mess of a girl.

    And that song lyric brought tears to my eyes. I could try and blame the PMS but nope, I'm just a sucker for gorgeous descriptions. And that is a gorgeous line. I have such a clear picture of that woman, even from just those few words. I love songs that can lift you up like that. They are so magical.

    Old friends are the weirdest. Going to home town grocery storest is so weird because I seem to be a magnet for awkward connections from high school days. Like that time I ran into a boy I used to flirt with a lot. He was buying some bananas and I was buying a box of tampons. I love life.

    Em
    Tightrope to the Sun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Buying tampons never happens at a convenient time. You will always, always run into someone at the store. It's like a rule of the universe!

      "I'm just a sucker for gorgeous descriptions." Amen! There could never be enough!

      Delete
  6. just had some peanut butter pie in kentucky... it was PERFECTION. i loooove peanut butter on a toasted wheat bagel, add some honey and you have a melty masterpiece. maja is INSANE. insanely awesome though. i saw the sounds back in 2009 and loved my life from the front row (http://kyleerowley.blogspot.com/2009/10/sounds.html). things got a little crazy though and i ended up moving to the back from some real space and real breathing air.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is SO weird. Because i just had a bagel with PB and honey on it last week! And the whole time I ate it I kept thinking, why don't I eat this every single day? What have I been doing with my life? It's amazing!

      Insane really is the perfect word for her haha. I love that you love Maja! She's all sorts of crazy but how can you NOT love that woman?? I don't blame you for having to move to the back, you're stronger than I am. I can hardly even handle the front of the crowd anymore! Is this how old people feel? Probably.

      Delete

I love reading what you have to say about what I had to say. Feel free to leave those thoughts here.