Because human beings were simply not meant to be happy every moment of the day.
Sometimes it is brave to be happy, but other times it's just impossible.
That's nobody's fault.
I don't think that I'll ever be someone who conversation or human interaction in general comes naturally to. I lack the charisma and self-assurance. And I don't mean that in a negative way, I'm just saying it.
I'm not charismatic. I'm not generally confident.
These are the facts.
I'm neurotic and think in circles until I tangle up. A select few find it endearing, and know how to unwind me from my own thoughts.
The rest are generally turned off.
Again, just facts.
But charismatic people have always made me nervous. You know?
It's just that it always proved difficult for me to determine
whether they were being sincerely charming
or simply charming me out of their way.
Because their smiles look the same in either situation.
And I can't understand that.
I have enough trouble smiling for pictures when I don't feel like it. It never works. I just look like I'm in pain.
But you and I have a very different definition of fun.
I wish you'd stop acting as if happiness were the point, because it isn't. It never has been.
The point is being able to face the reality - That things here aren't perfect, and never will be. That, sometimes, really terrible things happen.
That I'm human and I'm broken, in some ways, and I'll probably never know how to make a room of people laugh. That it isn't about what's fair, it's about what we were meant to learn.
The point is to be able to accept all of this without throwing your hands in the air and giving up.