My body had long since given up on convincing my mind to sleep.  Cheeks burning with tears, throat aching from failed efforts to hold them in.  I told you that I was tired.  That I couldn't spend another day trying to outrun this weight that had settled in my head and heart.

You said that I had work to do, and things to let go of.  I had habits to abandon; I'd never make it with them present.

I protested.  I said I had grown too attached, that they had become apart of me by now.  I told you that I was afraid I wouldn't recognize myself without them.  And I heard your answer before it was even said.

"What makes you think that would be such a bad thing?"


  1. I swear it is like you can read my mind lady. I don't even understand it. Every. Single. Post.

    1. haha you got me! Mind-reader here!

      Kidding, but I'm so happy to hear you can relate. It can be scary wearing your heart on your...blog sleeve?

  2. I love you. Your words. Ugh the feels. I hope you feel better soon. Letting things go can be so so scary and yet so good in the long run.

    Btw, I know I said it, but I'll say it again, your highlight.. So jealous.
    And I'm watching this like 27hour long tv show thingie and one of the guys looks just like Drew, but blonder. Beard and everything!

    1. Thanks, Natalia! I actually do feel better. Usually, when I write something depressing, it means I figured something out. Had a moment of clarity. You know? If I'm not writing at all there's a good chance that I kind of want to die haha.

      haha what 27-hour-long-tv-show-thingy?? Can you send me a picture or something? I wanna see this blonde Drew!

    2. Ok, so I'm not the ony one?! Cause I don't depressing things anymore because people are all like "I hope you feel better, trust in the Lord" and i'm all like i'm fine, it's better. as soon as i write it's all like relief. So I said it cause i figured it must be a social ritual that i didn't know about.

      I sent you a picture. The show is Centennial or something. It's about the old west. It's interesting. I like it only because I'm a history geek...

    3. *because i don't write depressing things.

      i totally forgot the word 'write'


    4. hahahaha! the face palm. that was too good.

      And no! You aren't the only one! I know exactly what you mean, about those comments. "Oh my gosh, are you okay? You should go to the doctor for some anti-depressants or move somewhere with more sunlight ASAP because you sound way too depressed to be alive!"

      Why don't they understand that writing is the best therapy? The point isn't to say, "I'm so sad right now, give me attention!" It's more..."Here is a honest feeling that I honestly felt, if any of you can relate - you're not crazy!"

      But you get it. So it's fine.

    5. Oh goodie.

      Sometimes I wonder if I should have a disclaimer on my blog saying "no, i'm not depressed, yes, i trust in god, no i don't want to die, yes, i know life is good."

      writing is da bomb. amen. i don't write so people tell me they're praying for me and my life or something. i write to get it all out and to do what you said.. make people feel less crazy haha.

      you're awesome, cause you get it ;)

  3. I know what you mean. I have days where I'm just trapped in my head. But, on the bright side, you look awesome in glasses!! :D


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