6/24/13

even then.

When I was in first grade, I had a major crush on my teacher.  His name was Mr. Chapel, and he was apparently the man of my 6-year-old dreams. Him and that questionable toe-headed lurp of a boy, Josh Monson, but we've been over that.

I didn't begin the first grade as one of Mr. Chapel's students.  The original teacher I was assigned to was Mrs. Christiansen (that's Chris-tchee-AAn-sen), who, in short, terrified me.  I don't remember exactly why, but I do remember that her classroom had no windows and I went home crying every single day.

Naturally, my mother had me transferred to this new dreamboat of a teacher.  He was so very kind.  Always making a point to say hello to me and giving me gummy bears.  He also didn't mind when I decided to just hang out at the back of the line when the class had times table flashcard competitions.  I could NOT handle that kind of pressure.  (Not much has changed in that area.  To this day, if you show me even one of those flash cards, I will collapse on the floor and my tongue will go numb.  I hate times tables.  Hate.)

Eventually, my first day in his class came to an end.  I had my pink back pack on, all zipped up and prepped for the long walk to my mom's car on the other side of the street.  I was lined up at the back door, ready to leap into freedom and spend the rest of the afternoon playing in dirt.  Mr. Chapel, the angel that he was, knelt on a knee in front of me and put his hand on my shoulder.

Six-year-old Megan wasn't sure how to react, and so I stood there, wide-eyed and paralyzed.  It was all that I could manage.

He smiled at me in all of his perfection and said, "G'bye Meg!"

He was just being a friendly, totally normal teacher, making sure that I felt extra welcome on my first day in a new class.  But I, of course, interpreted this gesture as something exponentially more awkward than that.

At this moment, I fully expected him to lean forward and give me a goodbye kiss.

Of course.

Because that's what all nice teachers do before getting arrested.  Right?

I closed my eyes and puckered my lips in anticipation.  A few seconds passed, and I vaguely remember losing my balance.  This resulted in me somehow tripping while standing, which, up to this point, I wasn't even aware was possible.  My eyes opened, and I saw Mr. Chapel's puzzled expression staring back at me. 

I can only imagine what he must have thought at this point.  What is this, a seizure?

He tried again, with the normal-ness, "...Goodbye, Meg!"

I was mortified.  I don't even remember if I said anything back, I just know that I made my way out of that school as quickly as my little legs would take me.

This was sixteen years ago, over a full decade, and it still dominates in my mind as one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.  And I guess my point is that I seem to have an infinite amount of space in my brain for storing memories like this one.

Also, any time that a relationship ended with me being dumped.  Which was approximately 3 out of 11.  But that's not bad, is it?

15 comments:

  1. OH THE AWKWARD. It's ok, I still have my haunting why-did-I-do-that moments from when I was like, 7. I think they're so paralyzing because now we're "adults" and we know better.

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    1. haha yes, and hopefully they stop when we become "adults." Thanks, Erin.

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  2. Oh Meg. I was laughing until tears came with this post. I just love you so much.

    I had a sub teacher one time that was super dreamy. He resembled Val Kilmer and had an Australian accent. My 10 year old self couldn't handle that amount of handsomeness. Every time we had a sub after that, I dreamed/hoped it would be him. Sadly it never was and I never saw him again...to be young again with dreamy teachers.

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    1. That is just too bad. Because, an accent? That would make ANYONE want to learn! I feel like teachers should just be majorly attractive, people would probably get better grades.

      Or there would just be a lot more lawsuits....I can't decide which!

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    2. I agree. I may have done better in school if my teachers weren't old, grumpy, and frumpy. Or I would've done worse because I wouldn't be able to pay attention to the lesson because they were attractive.

      More lawsuits is probably a good guess. Then all the attractive teachers would be in jail, then there would be no more pretty faces to look at.

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  3. HAHAH! Ok, I'm sorry, but this is just too awesome! I'm so glad you shared this story.

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    1. baha, thanks, I'm glad you read it.

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  4. How did I not know this story!!!! It's killing me. These stories are what make me want to be a teacher, okay one of the many reasons.
    As for me, I was the dumper the first half of my relationships. Then after being dumped a few times I tried to avoid dumping because I felt too badly, and thought I should just stick it out...butt fudge, anyone?

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    1. It isn't something I ever liked talking about! Because it's just so embarrassing. But I think writing about things makes them less that way haha. I'll probably just start posting my most embarrassing moments here from now on. Seems to help.

      hahahaha Butt Fudge! Oh, I died! Remember that time you texted me and said you saw Drew jogging and you thought, "Thanks for the Butt Fudge!" Too good times.

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  5. Oh my, that sounds mortifying... I had a huge crush on my year 11 (not sure what grade that is in the US - I was 15)math teacher, he was gorgeous, and - I'm certain to this day - the only reason I did well in my maths exams x

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    1. 11th grade here...we're 16 and 17! how funny. but I think that's great. if a hot teacher gets people doing math, then I support it. my math teachers were all old ladies. so that must be why I'm terrible at it. must be.

      My sis-in-law recently dated/made out with her college english teacher. I thought it was the coolest thing.

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  6. hahaha! no!!! this is seriously the best! i want to hear more. haha

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    1. haha well there was another time that he was giving out prizes for an art contest I think, and he didn't give me one of the cool ones. And I knew in that moment he would never love me and started crying in my seat. I was dramatic.

      But there you go! It was a rough year haha thanks for reading all of this mess!

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  7. Hahaha, this story is the best! i was laughing so hard. i have so so many embarassing moments that still haunt me. i'm sure the other parties in the moments don't even remember. but what if they do? oh sheesh..

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  8. times tables are the death of me. i went to elementary school, i should know them, but i don't.

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