It became clear to me very early on that things such as getting noticed and being known required a competitive drive and an amount of energy that I most certainly fell short of. Naturally, I folded, gave up on that game before I even got started.
Sitting in corners or on deserted benches, I found refuge in any secluded area I could find. All of those places others simply walked past and looked over I considered my own personal oasis. Taking detours, keeping my eyes down, I was more of a shadow than a student at this point. After a while, everything blurred. There were no individuals anymore, just loud exclamations and fuzzy silhouettes to dodge. I read my own books and thought my own thoughts and avoided eye contact or any contact with anyone. Because what business was it of theirs anyway?
Man, I love the way you write. I can just picture this! It's like a scene from a movie. I think everyone feels like that sometimes. Especially in high school!! BLEH!
ReplyDeleteYes yes yes. I can so so relate. I hate *hate* this about myself. And I'm trying to not let it control me. But it's a constant battle. Large groups. Big crowds. Lots of noise. Lots of people. Lots of questions. Lots of stares. All of it. I cannot stand it. I avoid all eye contact and alienate myself from them which makes me feel even more out of it. And just like you said. Everything is blurry. All one big loud buzzing blur of people. Thanks for sharing. I know I've said it before, but ill say it again, you always make me feel less 'odd' and that means a lot to me. xx
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