plot thickening.

I think if your relationship with him were going anywhere, it would have arrived by now.  I think that if he wanted to marry you, he would have by now.  If he had any interest in committing to you whatsoever, he would have done it by now.  I don't think that he is the type of person capable of committing to anything, and I think you know that already.  I think that you only demand respect from him when disrespecting yourself yields undesired results.  I think - I know - that he has no respect for you, and like hell if that isn't such an overwhelming shame.  Because gems like you deserve respect - scratch that, reverence.  You deserve to be revered, settled up on the highest pedestal he could never measure up to.  I think that you've given an irrevocable part of yourself to him as in investment that's gone very bad, and you're too ashamed now to admit it or walk away.  I think that you won't walk away because that would mean admitting you're wrong to every person who ever loved you, who has been trying to save you from this very fate from the dreaded beginning.  

I think you're sad.  Not in a pathetic sort of way, but I think you're legitimately sad, all of the time.  Every day, there is sorrow settled deep into your heart, festering and infecting over the choices you've made.  I think you're scared - you're scared because you've tethered yourself to a loose cannon, and loose cannons explode - they claim casualties.  I think that you're currently in a dense fog that prevents you from seeing your own hand stretched out in front of your face, and if you'd only sever the ties that keep you there, you'd see.  I think you must be exhausted. 

I think that people miss you, more than you realize.  I think it's a shame because, forget you needing us, maybe we needed you.  Has that occurred to you?  Maybe we still do.  Maybe we've felt a profound loss in our lives since the day you burned every single one of your bridges and cut all of your life lines.

Not that you would ask what I think, but it doesn't matter.  Because, really, the bottom line is I miss you.


  1. Word. Yep. All of that. It's tragic. I hope there's a good end result somewhere down the line.

  2. This was my life at one point. I don't even know how, but somehow the fog that surrounded me got swept away and I realized how incredibly stupid I had been and that it not longer mattered how humiliated I would soon be, I just could not live another day with that sadness you expressed so well.

    I know this is a random comment since I am rarely on Blogger anymore... I don't even know why I logged in today. But I like to think it was so I could read this post and be so incredibly grateful of the second chance I got! So thanks for writing this :)

    1. Well, thank you for reading and commenting, Lacey. I've missed you! And it sounds like you had to make a brave decision that not everyone can make.

  3. Sounds about right for my situation, anyway. Sigh.


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