fear.

Inspiration and work ethic, they ride right next to each other...I mean, not every day you’re going to wake up and the clouds are going to part and the rays from heaven are going to come down and you’re going to write a song from it. I mean, sometimes you just get in there and force yourself to work and maybe something good will come out of it...

Deadlines and things make you creative. Opportunity and telling yourself 'Oh, you have all the time in the world, you have all the money in the world, you have all the colors in the palette you want, anything you want,' I mean, that just kills creativity. | Jack White

I think that's a fear of mine. Irrational, but, regardless, still there. That even without all of this working to live and living to work - I mean, I think I blame my lack of ambition and lack of creativity on that. But even if I somehow did have all of the resources and time in the world, would I really do anything with it or would I let is spoil me? Is that what keeps me here? The possible realization that I'm only capable of mediocrity after all?

Last night, Taunia (the counselor) said something profound without even trying, the way people with PHD's tend to do.

We have the right to our perceptions, but we need to make sure they work for us, not against us.

Judging by the mess my brain has just made, I think what I'm saying is I need a vacation.