Thus far, this Winter has been especially bitter and inconsiderate. She seems only to laugh at my feeble attempts to stay warm. I turn up the heater, she brings down the temperature. I attempt to take a warm shower, she freezes the walls and makes my soap and shampoo feel like I've been keeping them in the refrigerator.
From what I can see, she has formed icicles everywhere she possibly can, making rain gutters and roof tops and cars look as though they're literally sobbing, begging to be thawed.
But that Winter, in cold retaliation, only freezes their tears.
Seeing as the cold has seemed to be so especially cold this year, I did some research. Naturally. I found that the average high for January is 37 degrees. The average low for January is 21 degrees.
Well guess what, averages? It was 1 degree last night! That's right, one! Singular. Uno. Not even enough to say degrees.
Good luck with your resolutions everyone. I'll be perfecting the art of hibernation.
or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead
and eternal snow."