I would never give you any sort of blame.  You're the one who gave me life.  You deserve to attain all of your precious dreams, not spiral downward as more of his caretaker than wife.  It was never your fault, what he chose to be.  Though your choices weren't always wise, clearly.  Regardless, my heart still can't bear it, to see you both so alone - as I struggle to find the time to make it to that side of town, to simply pick up the phone.  

Now the sun is burning in my eyes, what is typically such welcome light.  But I found myself awake all night discussing the whole world around, it was just me and you.  The most lovely form of life, pleasing to my eyes just as well as my heart and mind.  You understood so fully that a girl like me takes time - like a work of art.  In your eyes, I always thought that that's what set me apart.  And I knew it was true when you said it, that we're never really as isolated as we think.  You went on to mention the times that you really were, and how it was always your own doing.  I tried to take you in completely then, putting forth such an effort not to blink.  

 But it seems that it took the smallest amount of time, just enough for my eyes to shut and open again, for you to be gone from me completely.  Now I find this reality I see so unwelcoming.  Now I'm finding my body at times apparently unwilling to breathe.      

Most days my head feels so heavy, it's as if it wants to fall off my shoulders and roll away.  But now I'm experiencing a certain feeling that I just can't figure out.  It's my heart that carries the weight, and my head is as light as this early-summer breeze.   I try to suppress the fear that it just might float into the air; it seems so unreasonable, but I can't seem to be put at ease.  

So I consider turning a light on, but I've decided there is still enough to read by.  All I can really focus on are the various, however impossible ways that you might end up at my door.  Perhaps you could have vaporized.  I would overlap the past back onto where I currently reside.  We could talk a little more in-depth about these gray areas, and how they don't really exist.  Even the ones we spent all of our time together in.  And maybe you could help me understand how it felt to see all of your worst fears being realized.  I could specify, I mean that day you walked away from those fundamental truths.  In my mind, I imagined you with all of that conviction, begging to be spared.  

Except I saw you become the traitor from my balcony seating, and you never once looked scared.           

Rejection is rejection.  Regardless of what "they" say.  That's the thing about "they".  They need to shut their mouths.  

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