just about where I was last November.

so here I'm found again, building these walls back up because I stuck around too long.  and my progress is compromised again and again by this general arrogance.  all of these ridiculous efforts to justify what was done wrong.

I exhaust myself everyday of my life.  Everyday of my life, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I get caught up in specifics, particulars, inner structures.  I lose sight of where I came from and where I was headed.  Where is my mind?  How do I make it stop running away from where I stand presently?  I lose track of it, I stall.  Anyone around me can see that my thoughts are far from anything that they see as mandatory or relevant.  But that's exactly my point - it's the way they see it.  And no one understands.  

I take my turns, I say my words, I laugh my laughs.  But it all seems to echo in a hollow repercussion of my own fraud.  And I get so caught up in your passion and your exactness and this fortress you have built around you.  So forbearing and unnerving and not compromising at all.  And there's this single idea in the back of my mind that keeps revealing itself in my actions.  I can feel it gaining speed.  It's taken all I can give, I'm afraid there is no real part left of me.