Showing posts with label full-time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label full-time. Show all posts

9/16/13

kind of a miracle.

The truth is, I only feel like my real and honest self about two and a half out of seven days a week.  I'm too embarrassed to even attempt simple math in front of anyone else.  Sometimes I find myself paralyzed with this fear that my life will never consist of anything other than working full-time, even though I know that's silly.  At least, I hope it is. 
And I would have to say that, yes, I am in love.  Not the ABC prime-time kind of love.  Where I'm, you know, still waiting to see if he'll ever leave his wife for me.  Or sitting by a hospital bed surrounded by medical machinery, tears cascading down my face with mascara that never runs, holding one of his immobile hands in both of mine, just begging him to wake up from a coma.

No.  It's the boring, in-for-the-long-haul, fully-dedicated-to-one-another's-happiness kind of love.  Where we're already married.  Where we go to bed at 9pm if we want to.  Where we talk about water bills sometimes. The kind where I melt whenever he mows the lawn or loosens his tie or tells me that he cleaned out the kitty litter so I don't have to.  Where he fully supports the fact that I'll most likely never have hair past my shoulders.  Where he says he is completely fine spending our Saturday afternoon lunch date listening to me go into a full synopsis of my most current read.

I guess it doesn't make for the best writing.  Not the kind that affairs and comas and love triangles do.  I guess that's why the majority of stories are told prior to the happily ever after, not afterward.

But I am in love.  And isn't that kind of a miracle, in and of itself?

7/18/13

misc.

"Hope on. Journey on. 
Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, 
but first and forever 
fan the flame of your faith
because all things are possible 
to them that believe."

Drew finally came home yesterday, after deserting me*.  Which means I was actually able to get a good night's sleep for the first time in FOREVER.**

It's kind of pathetic, really.  I used to sleep alone every single night of my life and everything went fine.  Now I have to wear one of Drew's shirts and leave lights on, and not even that works.

Before Drew happened, I planned on living all alone in a classy studio apartment...in New York, or somewhere else edgy, until I was at least 28.  When I think about that now, I just laugh. 

Oh, and I didn't end up getting that promotion, in case anyone cares.  I took it harder than I should have, mostly because the news came on the week of the month where I'm incapable of handling most anything emotionally.  You know.

Seriously.  It was so dramatic.  The only thing I can compare it to is the feeling of getting dumped. Where you feel sad and heavy and sorry for yourself all day long.  And you might be able to take your mind off of it here and there, but then you remember.  And it's like you just heard the news for the first time all over again.  And you can't stop talking about it to everyone and anyone who gives you eye contact.  This can go on for any number of days.  And did.  But I'm better now.

If you're like me, and your guilty pleasure is acoustic guitar, poetic lyrics and haunting melodies, you should really listen to this guy.  He just released a new album, and I'm obsessed.  It's the perfect rainy day music, but I listen to it every other day too.  It makes Drew want to fall asleep.

I'm getting seriously annoyed with being a grown-up in the Summertime.  In any other season, it's still generally bothersome, but not nearly to this degree.  I need outdoor adventures involving tan lines, swim suits, sunglasses, questionably-colored lake water, boat fuel, and not wearing pants!  Don't you understand?  But I'm just sitting in a chair.  In jeans!

*going on a business trip
**meaning two whole entire days