Sometimes I think being a woman can be a lonely thing. I'm well aware of how pretentious that most likely sounds, but it's a thought that's been banging about my brains lately. You see, I'm not generally keen on doing things such as running around after spherical objects whilst slamming into others, sweating and swearing, contrary to many of my male counterparts. I don't usually gather with other girls in the name of competition or developing biceps. What I'm saying is it can be a challenge to find something a group of us women might enjoy, to find a way to get us all together in the same general area at the same time.
And even when I do find myself in a room full of members of the same sex, I have a hard time avoiding going home exhausted from pretending, feeling rejected by my own species. Because what is the point of spending hour upon hour discussing hair color, forcing laughter, gravitating to gossip regarding whatever girl couldn't make it that night? And yet I know that I need other women in my life. Regardless, I can't keep from wondering, why is it so difficult to find someone to have an actual conversation about actual things?
Since when and at what point did my entire life become small talk?
The simple truth of the matter is that I'd rather be alone than pretend. There is no lonelier feeling than being in the company of someone who doesn't understand what's at your core - The actual substance that makes you up. I can say that I've always been good at keeping myself company. I only wish that the necessity of human interaction could come so easily.
"Since when and at what point did my entire life become small talk?"
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. I ask myself this regularly. Recently, I was with a group of people that was discussing what we would do if we could buy a gift for one person with a billion dollars. I replied with one of the first things that came to my mind, which was a surgery for a friend. One person rolled her eyes and said, "No smart answers, please. We don't need guilt here." Apparently, only cars and fancy jewelry were the only things that counted as correct answers.
Gah! ...and that was when I shut up.
Oh right! We can't be faced with feeling guilty over being completely materialistic and superficial! Haha I don't blame you for giving up on that one. Thanks for commenting :)
DeleteDarn you, geography!
ReplyDeleteIt's ruining things!
Deleteoh my goodness.
ReplyDeletethis is exactly how i have been feeling.
the extreme fakeness and immaturety of my teenage peers is sometimes too much. honestly, i only have one friend who is around my age. all the others (very few others) are either a lot younger or a lot older.
i work at a very very small town library and have gotten quite good at small talk. hello how are you nice day today have a good weekend... that kind of stuff. but what i find hard to do is actually carry on a reall conversation with someone. there seems to be so much complaining and drama that sometimes i get physically nauseous. don't get me wrong, i don't mind being lighthearted and having fun.. but they I have been told to stop being immature...
sorry to make this so long, but even my mother mentioned that after being in a certain group of ladies for a while, she began to become ungrateful and annoyed towards dad. why? because these other ladies complained about their husbands a lot (even though they were not bad husbands), causing mom to look at dad in a different, less flattering light.
thank you for writing this. i connected with it deaply
~Abigail
Oh my word, that is so true! The way people around you talk about their relationships can poison your own. Especially marriages. And when you try to be the "bigger person" and say you don't want to talk negatively about your spouse, you generally get a negative response from others because they get defense. It's a mess! But really cool that you see it.
DeleteI understand completely and I am right there with you. I find myself feeling lonely a lot but when some people ask me to hang out, I'd rather remain lonely. So much female small talk, to me, seems so petty and uninteresting. I cannot bring myself to talk that way. And honestly those aren't the friends I want around me.
ReplyDeletePetty petty petty. It isn't pretty. But we seem to think so don't we? haha exactly.
DeleteMeg, all I can say is this is perfect, and you took the words right out of my mouth. It's always a little comforting to know there are others who just get it. It really is all pretend. I would rather only have those few incredible women in my life, than feeling like I need to hang out with a crowd to fulfill my duty as a woman. Just no.
ReplyDeleteI'm just glad I can find people like you via blogger if nowhere else! haha thanks Shelby!
DeleteI can relate to this completely. Being a woman can be very, very lonely, or maybe it isn't just women? Maybe men get it to? I don't know. All I know is I'm sick of small talk too, right now I am craving compassion and intelligent conversation! x
ReplyDeleteI'm sure men feel this way at times. But I do think it's a whole different battle; we struggle with different things for the most part. NOT to be narrow-minded, because I'm sure a man could relate to what I wrote. It just...it's different haha to me anyway. It seems pretty different. Thanks for commenting!
DeleteOhmygoodness. You said it perfectly. I know exactly what my friends and I will talk about every time we get together and it get's old and I'm not very good at it. At the same time I want to interact with people too! The struggle is real ;) Also, you just got mentioned as a favorite blog when I asked a few people. I was like YES she's my favorite too! xo
ReplyDeleteNatalia! Your comments always make my day! You're just the best. For real.
DeleteAaaaand this is why cats exist. Cats are for the lonely and this is why I have two.
ReplyDeletehahaha oh Trish. this is why you're one of my select few. And also one of our conversations pretty much inspired this post so don't you feel special?
Delete"why is it so difficult to find someone to have an actual conversation with about actual things?" oh, sister. do I understand. and, also, so difficult to figure out if a woman is being real and honest and you can let down your walls and trust her with your vulnerability and real life and trust that she will not go tell other people. Gossip is just ridiculous and I feel like it keeps friendships from happening because you never know for sure if trusting is the best idea. Idk. Women friendships are hard for me to find.
ReplyDeleteThey really are tricky! I mean, they're the best when you actually do find someone you can be vulnerable around. But I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.
DeleteI get this completely, I've grown up having maybe 1 or 2 girl friends that I can actually feel comfortable with, and my sisters. It's a difficult thing, for sure. You start wondering if Anne made up the whole 'kindred spirit' thing, because it's just hard to find.
ReplyDeleteYou should talk to me! I dont really care about talking about beauty stuff, and useless things. I love talking about REAL things.
ReplyDeleteThis moved me to tears. Thank you for your honesty, I hear you.
ReplyDelete