7/29/13

relapse.

I've had a slight relapse.  I let envy, that old enemy, somehow slip back into my thoughts.  And after that she went on to infiltrate my whole system.

I became jealous of everything.  Silly things.

Of shorter people, of louder people, of people with clearer skin, better wardrobes. Of those people who can pull off big, cheesy smiles.  Because that's just the way their face is.  It's a big, smiley face.  I'm more of a soft, closed-lips smile sort of girl.  Not to say that I never smile with teeth, it's just that when I do it looks sort of ridiculous.  Which is fine.  But sometimes you forget it's fine.

Sometimes you forget that the standard in your mind doesn't actually exist. 

24 comments:

  1. ohmygoodness, meg.

    i think we share the same brain feels or something.

    slightly different, but enough the same to be like woah, dude.

    i've gotta say, i've always been jealous of people who can have a soft, nice, close mouthed smile. you know, especially when a stranger smiles at you so i can smile back without smiling this huge smile. if i smile minus my teeth, it looks like i smell a bad smell. and that's never attractive.

    also, may i steal your last line? with credit of course.

    xx

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    1. "if i smile minus my teeth, it looks like i smell a bad smell. and that's never attractive." hahaha I love that. especially because, if I smile with my teeth, I look like someone just kicked me in the shin, but I'm trying to smile through the agony. Also not attractive.

      Of course, steal whatever you want!

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  2. this happens to me a lot. it's hard to find a balance when we only see people's best selves, the parts they want us to see.

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    1. That's basically the internet, isn't it? People show the attractive, enjoyable parts of life and mostly leave out anything unflattering. Which isn't bad...it can just be discouraging I guess. If you let it get to you.

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  3. I feel you.
    Jealousy is something I tend to deal with.. Esp with looks. I feel like everyone around me is more beautiful and less awkward(I'm so awkward haha). But I think the thing to remember, at least for myself, is that society has created all of these standards of what's beautiful and what's not, but "society" is just as flawed as the rest of us. Why'd we make them the judge? No one is qualified to say what is beautiful and what isn't, except for God, and I'm sure as heck he thinks we're(you)all beautiful and unique.
    I mean c'mon(I hope you don't mind me saying), you're a knock out.

    Sorry for my ramblings. Hopefully I make some sense.
    It always sounds better in my head. ;)
    -Victoria Horea



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    1. You're so right - the people who came up with the standards telling us we're imperfect at imperfect too! Thanks Victoria! Love your ramblings, no need to apologize. You're a very nice person.

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  4. It's seems as though that Green Eyed Monster has really been making the rounds this week. I've been having a really jealousy drive few days. I'm jealous of everything too. Even irrational stuff that don't deserve jealous feelings. It's hard to make your brain shut up sometimes, especially when you are bombarded by life all the time.

    Em
    Tightrope to the Sun

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  5. this is what i do, what i disdain doing but do anyway:
    you know on tv shows (we're going to be awesome and use my little pony as the example here) how everypony (or person) is the best at something, or has a distinctive personality?
    like Pinkie Pie is just super outgoing and friendly and fun, and Twilight Sparkle is really intelligent and good at working out problems, and Rainbow Dash is athletic and effortlessly cool, etc., etc.?
    this is kind of how the real world works.
    well, what i do, and only realize AFTER i've been doing it for weeks, is i pick the best of a bunch of people's traits, and become jealous of that.
    i.e. that girl is an amazing singer--why can't i have a voice like that?! and that girl there, with the freckles and the perfect round face--i want that! and that hilariously boisterous and charismatic girl who knows how to own the party--why can't i be like that? and but also that quiet girl over there, who never makes a fool of herself but always appears thoughtful and gentle and poetic--i want to be her too....and that little delicate doll of a girl, and that ruddy, outdoorsy backpacker and cliffjumper and the best part of EVERYONE....
    until i've created this awesome frankenstein of a person that i'm envious of that DOESN'T EXIST. and i'm hating myself because i'm a million things that nobody ever expected me (or anyone) to be. because nobody's comparing us against everyone's best traits. that's silly.
    and i know this. and dave tells me time and again and again. someday maybe i'll get it. most likely not. but i can try.
    and just to be honest here, yes. you are one of these people. so whether it helps or not, know that there are DEFINITELY people wishing they could be the good parts of you too. :)

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    1. i blog more on your blog than i blog on my blog. i should just repost my replies. ha.

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    2. First of all, favorite blog comment ever. Seriously.

      Second of all, did you know all of those My Little Pony names without having to look them up? Because that is impressive! And made me laugh so hard.

      Thirdly, I read this comment out loud to Drew, and we were laughing. Because that is our life! I do that exact same thing! Pick out the best parts of people and wonder why I don't have all of those traits and then get depressed about it and Drew has to shake some sense into me.

      You put it into words perfectly. I like you.

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    3. haha! thank you!
      i did, in fact, know all the ponies' names offhand.
      and i'm so glad that i could be of entertainment to you and drew, and that you relate. ah man... humans.

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  6. I feel like this at least once a week. And closed mouth smiles are awesome, who needs a big toothy grin? Not me! (mainly because I, too, look ridiculous smiling with teeth...) xx

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    1. So good to know I'm not alone! haha at least once a week is so true.

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  7. So, basically, I don't know how to smile. I grin all the way. When I smile, with my lips closed, it looks very awkward and awkward and...weird and..awkward.
    But who cares, as far as you are grinning/smiling from your heart. :D

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    1. "awkward and awkward and...weird and..awkward. "

      haha wait, so would you say it looks awkward?

      Kidding. So true though. There is never a problem with a sincere smile.

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  8. Oh, envy. I hate it. It's the worst. But it's all just a huge lie. Comparing yourself makes you forget about the awesome person that you are!

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    1. So true! I feel like it's one of the main things that distracts us from being what God has in mind.

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  9. envy hella sucks, but it's awesome that you can recognize when it's affecting you. that's half the fight!

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    1. I guess that's true! It's nice to at least know what it is that's causing you to act like a crazy person!

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  10. Hearing YOU say that you thing your big toothy smile is kind of ridiculous is in itself ridiculous. I have to laugh at that as I've always loved your smile. Who knew? Also, envy is awful. It creeps in at the worst times too, it seems. Controlling my thoughts is the hardest part.

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    1. Thanks Heather! haha I just feel like I look like a dork smiling big. But most everyone does.

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