I saw you standing not too far away, and knew that I should walk over and talk to you. That would have been the normal and human thing to do. But, as usual, my brain started racing and I couldn't think of one thing to say to you that I thought you'd consider worth being said. I could already feel that all too familiar sting of another failed effort. I wasn't up for it. But by now you were looking back, so I just raised my arm up and moved it side to side. I smiled a real smile that I honestly meant. I meant it.
Because it was so good to see
you, and to be reminded of the way that you stand and how your face
looks in real life with light hitting it instead of just pictures on the
To this day, I still think of how I regret
this, of what I could have said if I had just taken several steps in
your direction, swallowed hard, and opened my mouth. I'm sure talking would have happened. You usually made it easy on me,
talking, because you made everything easy. I think because you could
always sense how unnatural I felt in social situations. You'd
compensate for me.
But I didn't. I didn't move, and we all know
you don't move to talk to anyone. It isn't your fault, you've never had
to. And so I just stood there and waved and smiled, because it was the
best I could do. That best I can do that always fell short for you.