to this day.

So what else?  Can you even remember all of these occurrences that continue to tax me in every sense to this day?  Do you have the ability left to dig out all of this decaying filth that seems to make up the very substance of your crooked mind?  No.  Not even for my sake, for the one who continuously walked ahead to assure there would be nothing to harm you.  Not even to provide me with a single truth you continuously lacked to heal this shredded system of false faiths.  It must be too warped, too twisted to be able to follow any particular path.  I would imagine it all blends together by now.  Well, not for me. 

For you, it was simply habit.  You took breath in and out through that hollow, lifeless frame, and had no thought further.  Your crippled perceptions smothered my desperate cries, my struggling, my pleading, "release me."  Now any memory I have of a smile, a laugh, a glimmer of consistency, of hope, I can only replace with complete repulsion.  This guise of purity, of something unconditional, has been tainted.  The thing I stood for, and defended with everything that made me, has defeated me.  I compromised all of me to the hands that threatened to strangle the last breath of life out of me.  What I ran to can only now be seen as what I incessantly defy myself of. 

I can't see you the same.  I can't look into you and find comfort.  Why is this?  Because from the moment there was one thing I no longer knew of you, I immediately knew nothing else.  Because even one act of deception cancels out any and all truth that may have existed.  Therefore, you don't exist.  And the tears that have fallen from the eyes of the open and the trusting should shake your very frame, should rack your seared soul with all of the pain you slept through.  BECAUSE I NEVER SLEPT.  And even now I swim in violent waters of your legacy of lies in dreams.  And even now I find no warmth in looking back.  And why is this?  Because the few withdrawls among the countless unknown have drained this account of trust.  Because to this day, you haunt me.  Because to this day, I can't speak the way I was meant to.